


69

by felisblanco



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-14
Updated: 2004-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:02:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: There's a disturbance at Wolfram & Hart. By the name of Spike





	

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to the 69 challenge. I suggest you read, then look at the endnotes, follow the links and read again. Lot of work I know, but it's the only way this will make sense. Cross-posted with my LJ and [](http://sickchicks.livejournal.com/profile)[**sickchicks**](http://sickchicks.livejournal.com/) It's not sick though, sorry. *pouts* Tiny spoiler for Shells. [ETA: thanks to [](http://alistra.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://alistra.livejournal.com/)**alistra** for busting me on my mistakes. Thank you, honey.]

He hadn't even had his first mug of blood when it started. The shrill ringing of the phone made his head hurt and he groaned as he reached for it.

_"Angel? Are you there? You know this is...I'm on the phone...sorry, this really can't go on. I'm trying to solve that cryptic message we found and... are you sure that's right...anyway, it's not like I don't appreciate the humor, fellow Brits and all that, its just... No I don't need you to write them all down... just that it's very distracting.... I didn't say you had a bad voice, that's just ridiculous, actually you have a rather fine...nevermind, Angel, it's all right... So how many words are there for pe..."_

The click left Angel feeling totally bewildered. He wondered if Wes had unconsciously licked his fingers while flipping the pages of the Kyrenli book again. You'd think someone used to handling such books would...

Well, he was too tired to think about it. Being the CEO you should get to choose your sleeping hours. But noooo. He was becoming a slave to the nine to five, like everybody else. Except his job didn't end at five. Never ended really. Damn, he needed a vacation. Another annoying ringing startled him and reluctantly he picked up the phone again.

_"Angel! This is not good. I know it's supposed to be funny, I guess they have a wacky sense of humor over there, but I was in a meeting with mr. Goldenberg and Jung Lee from our division for the Middle East and they are not amused. It really isn't appropriate for him to just... Spike, no that one isn't any better... Angel, can you please talk to him?"_

Again the phone was cut off as the receiver was slammed down. Even though he didn't really get the "why" or "what" he was certainly getting the "who". Damn, could the idiot not give him one day without causing a riot?

Taking a large gulp of the rapidly cooling blood, he thought of asking Harmony to hunt the moron down and send him over, or just tell him to go home. No, order him to go home. Reaching for the intercom, he punched the button for Harmony's desk.

"Harmony? Can you please..."

 _"Boss, I can't talk right now."_ Sniffles and then a loud icky nose-blowing noise could be heard. _"I can't believe he did that. That's just so...eeewww. And I don't have any of those, beause...vampire! Hello! And he better not have them either... well I guess he doesn't being a vampire also but... it's just really, you know...eewww and insulting and I really can't talk now. I need to have my nails done because emotional damage, you know. God, he's such a... eeewww..."_

Angel stared out the glass wall of his office as Harmony put on her pink coat and headed out, obviously still muttering. Had Spike managed to piss everyone off and it wasn't even nine thirty yet? Which brought the question, what the hell was he doing here anyway? Time to take some action. He had nearly made it to the door when Lorne burst in waving his arms, face even greener than usual.

"Does he have an agent? Well, of course he doesn't. Muffin, you should really think about using him in your commercials. Pretty face, hot body and now what do I hear, voice of an angel, or devil, whatever. No offense pumpkin, but your broody self just doesn't bring in the ladies. Now Spike on the other hand..."

"Spike?"

"Yes, aren't you listening? We will have to control what he sings though, because..."

"You want Spike to sing?"

"Sweet-cakes, pay attention. Yes, sing. Blew my heart out nearly. The lyrics though..."

"Spike? Sing?"

"You're saying you haven't heard? I thought he'd been bothering everyone this morning. Not that it's any bother to me, because those vocals...yummy. Didn't really care for his choice of song but..."

"Spike is singing? Spike?"

"You're telling me in all those years you hung out he never sang for you?"

"We didn't "hang out". He just followed me around like an annoying little puppy. And no, he never sang for me. Thank God."

"I'll send him right up to you. I think he was going to say hello to Fr...Illyria. Cheer her up or something. Said he had the perfect song for her. Poor girl, I know I'm not supposed to feel sorry for her, but she's just very confused."

"She's here? I thought Wesley was taking care of her? I don't want her here."

"Relax, you won't see her. And I'll ask Spike to come up. Ciao."

"What? No, wait! I don't want..."

But the elevator had already cut him off from the humming demon. This was getting really frustrating. But at least he now could add the "what" to the list. Spike was singing. And obviously something quite inappropriate. Not that he expected anything else. It was a wonder really how one person could turn a respectable law firm into a nuthouse in just a couple of hours. Almost every day. Someone please just stake him.

Sighing he went back into his office and started to sort through the large stack of paperwork. Wasn't Gunn supposed to do this? Or just anyone that wasn't him? This was what his life was reduced to? Vampire, my ass.

He wondered if he could sneak off and take the Viper for a spin. Then he remembered that Spike had wrecked it. The thought made his fingers curl and he really longed to put his hands around the little fuck's neck and wring it. Not that it would kill him, but it would just feel sooo good.

Maybe he could just go up again. Have a little nap. Or a warm relaxing bath. Oh, yeah, with those bath-salts that smell like a childhood summer in Ireland. Maybe light some candles, put Manilov on, hum a little song himself. Talking about good voices. Don't know why they acted like that when he sang at Caritas. He did _so_ have a good voice. The wenches at the pubs had told him so all the time, back in the days. Spike? Pfft. He had nothing on him. Besides, all those years of smoking, couldn't be good for the vocal chords.

"Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..."

The loud and actually rather pretty singing was coming from outside his office. Before he had the time to pull himself together from his fantasy as vampire rock star, Spike came waltzing into the room, tapping a cd-player in his hand, headphones covering his ears.

"Hey, peaches. You got to listen to this. It's brilliant. I never knew they'd done a cd." And off he went again.

"I love to hear you oralize, when I'm between your thighs, you blow me awaaaay."

"Spike!"

"Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truuuulyyyy."  
  
"Spike!"

"Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine. If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play 'Till we're blown awaaaaaaaay."

"SPIKE!!"  
  
"What?"

fin

**Author's Note:**

> The songs are from the album Monty Python Sings
> 
> The songs are as followed :  
>   
> Wesley : [The Penis Song](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/penisong.php)  
>   
> Gunn: [Never Be Rude to an Arab](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/arab.php) and [I Like Chinese](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/chinese.php)  
>   
> Harmony: [Medical Love Song](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/medical.php)  
>   
> Lorne: [Decomposing Composers](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/decompos.php)  
>   
> Illyria: [Meaning of Life](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/meanlife.php)  
>   
> Angel: : [Sit On My Face](http://www.montypython.net/scripts/sitface.php)


End file.
